


freedom on my mind (and your arms tasted like home)

by Laeana



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: (a hint of Nico/Kevin), Alternate Universe - Music, Band Fic, Boys In Love, Childhood Trauma, Concerts, Falling In Love, Fear of Discovery, Former band, Freedom, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealous Daniel, Love Confessions, M/M, Musicians, On the Run, Repressed Memories, Song Lyrics, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Lovers, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26393572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laeana/pseuds/Laeana
Summary: And then, in one second, Max is back to the same place he had to leave years ago.And then, in one second, Max meets someone that could finally change his life.And then, in one second, Max knows it may be the chance of his life.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen, Nico Hulkenberg & Max Verstappen, Pierre Gasly/Charles Leclerc
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	freedom on my mind (and your arms tasted like home)

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Max doesn’t know what he’s doing and honestly it’s better that way. He’s so lost right now but he only did what his instinct told him to do.

He couldn’t back up.

A full stage. Outside. The same freaking stage that looked at him every time he passed close from the port. Each time he went to the freakin beach he was passing right in front of it and it seemed like-

It seemed like the stage was mocking him.

Of course.

He never had the courage and he doesn’t know what he is actually doing here. He fully ran from his house and if his sister and his mom are actually working out a solution to help him, he knows he can’t go back now. He knows what his father may do to him if he goes back. Kill him ? That’s even on possibility

He climbed the walls and the gates and directly aimed for the stage. He carefully paid attention to whether or not there were people and for once luck was on his side since the room was empty.

He puts his backpack at his feet. Just wants to feel it once more. Once again. Only once.

Even if it’s the last.

He closes his eyes not to see the empty room. He digs into his own memories. And his grip on the mic tightens.

Full crowd screaming their names. They’re gonna be legends for sure. If someone can do it, it’s them. It’s always been them. Sweat. He feels numb, surrounded. Vibrating under the whole atmosphere. Searching for a climax he thinks he can reach. The lights blind them but it’s okay, they’re used to it. The guitar, the bass, the piano ... somewhere afar. All in rhythm. All connected. One. Nothing will stop them, he swears to himself, nothing ever. He’ll bring them to the top. They deserve it and he wants to be the one to give them the top of the world. He wants-

Noises bring him back to reality. People are coming. He gulps, terrified and anxious. 

He grabs his backpack in one touch and immediately heads towards one of the exits but he is not fast enough to not be seen. Well, they probably heard him but...

“Hey, you ! Come back here !”

He jumps above the gates. He’s used to run now. His legs bend easily at his will. Running like he never did before. Each time. Hell on his heels. He turns left and bites his lips when he sees the beach. Not the right direction. Mind’s still too hazy, dizzy to be right about where he is going. 

Disorientated for a moment. Going right, passing by the casinos for being back in the street and then he can-

“We said, stop here.”

Voice dangerously close. He blinks, confused, before feeling a sharp pain in his ribs as he’s pushed against the floor. He whimpers softly and the stranger steps back while he stays on the floor.

“Good job Charles, really well done, sweetheart.”

Another man arrives, at a trot, a solar smile on his lips. Max isn’t even aware of his glance drifting on his body and his tattoos he can see disappear under his clothes. He shakes his head slightly. Not good.

“You ...” the man who isn’t Charles advances towards him, still smiling, interested. “Who taught you this way of singing ?”

He coughs a bit, clearing his throat, not trusting himself to talk immediately.

“No one.” he ends up by saying “No one, but myself.”

The hot stranger (even if Charles is pretty too) raises an eyebrow before nodding. A hand is extended to him and he can’t help but be muddled. Once again.

“Daniel Ricciardo.”

Disbelief. 

He takes it though.

“Max. Just Max.”

“Well, Max, you have a hell of a voice ! Won’t you come with us? Integrate the group ? We just lost a member!”

No. He promised him he’ll never go back on a stage again, he told him he would be careful, he told him it didn’t matter, that there was no need to give sanctions because he will never set foot on a stage even again. 

“I ...”

“Well, I mean, I get that you may be skeptical at first but I swear we earn enough to live comfortably. You ...”

Daniel throws a glance at Charles and it’s finally this one who just says :

“Whatever. Come to see us on stage tonight. You’re personally invited.”

A ticket in his hand. 

He shouldn’t be able to dream that big. That shouldn’t be allowed. He didn’t deserve it. Not at all. But a small hope ... in his chest ... deep down ... something he cannot hide himself from ...

Hope. How long since the last time he dared hoping for something ?

\--

Max gives his ticket to the guards at the entrance. He shakes a bit of nervousness. He’s headed towards a sit on the first row. Honor seat. He hesitates before sitting, he doesn’t think he’ll stay long anywhere.

He’s out passing his own rights. 

He didn’t want to come here. He didn’t want to be here. But, he just ... he just can’t resist music. 

He feels like a junkie.

And yet he stands here, watching carefully the group enter the stage. It seems like Daniel’s smile grows wider when he sees him but he’s not sure. He analyzes what he has under his eyes.

Daniel takes place on the foreground, guitar in hand, ahead of a mic. 

Charles, besides him, has a also guitar, a different one. He isn’t an expert but he can see slight differences between the two. He never paid attention to it before but only by seeing it, his fingers ache to touch one guitar again, to feel the cords, to pinch them.

There’s a man sitting a bit further on the left. Drums. He seems about his age maybe? Blue eyes, really British-like, a single earring on his left ear. 

And another man with dark skin, earrings on both ears, full tattoos and hair attached in a bun, standing behind a synthesizer. There seems to be an empty spot on the stage. The members are doing their best filling it but it’s still showing. 

Music starts.

He can’t detach his eyes from Daniel. His play is supple, relaxed while he pinches the cords of his guitar. Low voice that raises.

Sparkle in his chest.

That’s it. That’s what he wants, that’s where he wants to be. That’s where he belongs. 

He stands up slowly. And while being up, he closes his eyes, melting totally in the music that is played. And in the middle of it, he feels it. Same things that with that spot on the stage. Just a little void. Almost imperceptible. But he has more than a good musical ear. He has an excellent one. 

The same feeling that stays during every of their songs and he lets himself fall back on his chair. 

“You like what you’re hearing ?”

The voice comes from his left. He blinks before turning and sees a man, front hair dyed in blond, blue eyes. He nods quietly,

“My boyfriend is in the band, I’m proud he finally got here, you know.”

“It’s not an easy road.” Max whispers, knowing too much about it.

“Yeah but they made it. The only problem they have now is Dany leaving ...”

“Dany ?”

“Third guitarist, singer too.” the man says, eyes riveted on the stage.

So that odd wasn’t only an impression. Max observes, fascinated how they’re synchronizing even with a missing piece.

“I thought there was something off.” he answers.

“Really ? Even if I know it, I can’t quite grasp it. You’re impressive !”

“Are they the only band tonight ?”

“No, they’ll soon leave the stage. Last song now.”

On the stage, the band switches position a bit and Charles advances until being in front of the mic. His voice is soft. Really soft.

Not English. Silky kind. Is it ... french ? His companion has heart eyes and he’s quick to understand that this song is for him. So that was the accent before. French.

“ **Il me dit des mots d'amour**

**Des mots de tous les jours**

**Et ça me fait quelque chose** ”

The performance ends and when the band arrives towards them, the Frenchman almost jumps on Charles to hug him. 

“Pierre ! Mon cœur ... I missed you.”

“Me too, Charlie. So glad I could finally join you ...”

He quickly stops looking at them, a bit embarrassed by how they are in their own world. How they don’t care that everyone can literally hear them. 

“So, Just Max ? What’s your thoughts ?” Daniel asks him, a little smile on his lips, confident.

He raises an eyebrow. He could act in so many different ways.

“Well, a bit desynchronized. I mean you’re doing you best at filling the void but it’s still audible. Especially in song two and four. Probably where he had major parts. It’s a little messy there. I can hear it.” Max points distractedly at his ears.

There’s a slight silence. He wonders if he said something wrong. The band members all look at him with eyes wide. He wants to take back his words. And then Daniel starts to laugh.

“You really are something. You’re amazing, really. I’m not backing up, I want you in the band.”

He shakes his head : “I don’t think it’s very wise ...”

“Yeah.” one of the two men he doesn’t know the name of started to talk. The bassist. “I’m willing to give a try but we’re not that desperate to that point. We don’t know him, Dan. We don’t know anything from him.”

“He’s worth it, George.” Daniel frowns, seeming a bit annoyed “Even Charles validated him.”

“That’s not ...”

The last member didn’t say anything but he looks more likely to be thinking like George than Daniel. He winces. It all remembers him too much and he sighs. He’s not supposed to be here. Only another reminder.

He steps back, grabs his bag and then lifts both his hands.

“It’s okay, it’s probably better if I leave anyway. Don’t start a quarrel for me, I’m not worth it. Don’t worry.”

His bag on his shoulders he quietly leaves the room, a thousand of regrets in his head and on his lips. Things he would have loved to say. Sing. Play. His music forever buried in his head.

“Don’t you want to prove yourself ?”

The voice of Daniel stops him on his steps. 

“Don’t you want to go on stage ? We’re your quickest chance to ever be on it.”

Fuck it. Fuck everything. He never has been more sure of anything in his life than this. Feeling the wood under his feet, the pressure, the excitement. The whispers of the crowd. He was born for this. 

He turns around, taking a deep breath.

“What will it take for me to prove my worth ?”

Daniel’s smile grows wider.

\--

Okay. That wasn’t what he expected at all. It’s scary. Like it scares the hell outta him. He’s never been on the stage all alone. He’s never been left alone like this. Doing their first part. A list of songs prepared. Whatever he wanted. Original songs, covers. As he wished.

Three songs till the end.

His grip on his guitar is shaky. It’s been a while and he worked on it during the whole week but he’s still terrified of making mistakes. After all, it's been so long...

Max is starting the first notes of hopeless without even thinking much more about it. He needs to get there. Easy chords. He remembers the late plays, the laughs, the heat, the head resting on his shoulder ...

As always he feels so much this song and it passes in a blink of an eye. 

“ **I’m giving up on all I ever wanted**

**I guess that it’s just hopeless** ”

End of the first song. Applause resonates all over. He bows the head slightly, getting used once again to crowds. To people.

A short glance to his left. Damn. Daniel’s eyes are sparkling. He doesn’t pay attention to anything else. Just him, that’s enough. Delusional.

He changes a bit his hold on his instrument to be more eased. And just starts the second song.

It’s too quick. He thinks about it constantly. Too quick, too fast. It can’t already be almost over.

“ **Give me a minute to hold my girl**

**Give me a minute to hold my girl** ”

He’s not ready yet to leave the stage. Each time he seems to have made up his mind there’s always something to bring him back, to dig memories. Anything and everything and this time it’s like ...

Everything he ever wanted, they ever wanted, but that they could never have. And he’s not ready to give up on that yet.

Bad, so bad. There’s thousand reasons this whole thing could end up pretty badly. He was raised to be cool-headed but right now he’s nothing more than naive and reckless. A shame.

Last song, more personal. His own feelings. A town’s name of difference. Hopes crushed. To never heal anymore. 

But still here he stands.

“ **And it’s a crying shame I came all this way**

**Cause I won’t find Jesus in LA** ”

Max is getting emotional when he hears the applause once again and has only one more preoccupation; getting out of the stage as quickly as possible. Tears in his eyes. 

He puts the guitar on its base and stops a moment to look at his own hands. He’s shaking a lot. He can’t stop. Even if he focuses on it. A meltdown. Too much emotions at once.

He closes his eyes, breathing heavily. A hand on his wrist but he can’t bring himself to look at the person.

“It’s only me. Don’t worry. Just breath, okay ? Breath ... in and out ...”

His hand is guided and encounters a firm chest.

“Can you feel it ?”

In and out. A calm rhythm. He follows it as the only regularity in the fog he’s stuck in. His head aches less by the time he opens his eyes and Daniel is in front of him, worried.

“What happened ?”

“I’m ... I’m sorry.”

“That’s not about that. Are you okay ?”

“How was I ? On stage ? I think I made less than two mistakes on the chords in each song it has been too long since the last time I touched a guitar but-”

Daniel frowns when he hears his words and slowly takes him in his arms, patting his back.

“It’s okay, everything is okay, we’re just fine, you’re really fine. You did great, you were amazing.” Daniel whispers in his ears.

“Are you sure I-”

Max can see the rest of the band arriving in front of him, Daniel can’t see them but he doesn’t seem to care. He kinda worries about the concert because they shouldn’t be here but on the stage and the one he doesn’t know the name of throws at him a file. He catches it with his free hand, the other stuck in the hug. 

“You’re in.” says the man gravely. 

“I’m- I’m in ? In the band ? You’re taking me ? But I don’t think it’s a good idea I mean I’m ... you don’t know me and ...”

“Shush, Maxy.” Daniel puts a finger on his lips and he feels his cheeks becoming red. Bad idea. “I’m looking forward to having you by my side.”

Daniel takes a step back and he’s speechless. They all pass him to enter the stage. Charles is the last one.

“Have some fun watching us.”

He doesn’t know if it’s nicely said or mean. He just nods and from the backstage, he can’t see what they look like entirely but it’s enough.

He closes his eyes and hears the same melody, the same void.

And he wonders if he’ll be enough to fill it.

And, if ever there is a risk ...

He still can run away. Once again.

\--

“Nah, not right. You’re doing it wrong.”

Daniel helps him change his grip on his guitar and he sighs, upset against himself. How many times are they doing this ? Too much. He can’t adapt as quickly as he would have wanted and the band agreed to take him in, he can’t just let them down like this.

“Well, I think that’s enough for today.” claims George, standing up.

“No, listen, I ...” Max closes his eyes “I can do it again. I need to do it again.”

“No. George’s right. It’s no use. We’ll see tomorrow.” Lewis applies and he and George both leave the room.

He sits, discouraged. Frustrated. He is supposed to be a prodigy. It’s like his efforts are useless. 

“Come on, Maxy, let’s go home.” says Daniel with an encouraging smile on his lips.

He sighs but it’s Daniel. He always loves being with him. And Daniel welcomed him in his apartment when he heard he had nowhere to go. A house. They almost sleep in the same bed.

He loves him a bit too much.

“Okay.”

He puts his guitar away. The case on his back. Daniel shouts him a disapproving look but says nothing and instead turns.

“Charles ?”

“I’ll stay a bit. Don’t worry.” 

Daniel takes his hand in his and leads him toward the exit. They don’t live far from here. 10 or 15 minutes on foot and if they’re lazy they take the car. Their daily lives.

The band explained to him their renown. They’re not that famous but they still travel and earn way more than enough. For now, they stay here, at home. In the south. 

“What do you want to eat tonight ?” 

Daniel unlocks the door of their apartment and he shakes his head.

“I’ll go practice on the roof a bit.” he mutters softly.

Daniel looks at him in disbelief but ends up by kissing his forehead lightly, understanding he can’t reason him.

“Don’t catch a cold.”

On the rooftop, Max takes his guitar once again. And his notebook. He tried to adjust since too long. It seems like he’s just halfway. He sings absentmindedly alongside the chords he plays. And again a mistake. He grimaces. 

He spends minutes or hours here and just wants to throw his guitar to the ground.

But he has some self control.

And if he ran away with money he had saved, a lot already went away with this purchase. 

But he can’t do it.

He rubs his eyes until he sees stars under his pupils. No. No, he can’t give up. His fingers slip on the cords. Not the same chords. 

“ **Lover come over,**

**Look what I’ve done**

**I’ve been alone for so long**

**I feel like I’m on the run** ”

The door opens in the background and he stops there in the song. He lifts his head and, damn, Daniel is beautiful.

Wrapped in a blanket, a steaming cup of tea in his hands, looking cold but somehow, in a way, terribly warm. His messy curls. His sweet smile. Everything in him screams home and it hurts. It hurts to find home that way, while knowing it won’t last.

It never last.

“It’s late.” Daniel says simply and he nods.

“Come home with me ?” Daniel asks and he ends up by nodding once again.

Taking his guitar with him, he sighs while entering inside. He started to be cold, without even being aware of it. End of August. 

They’re on the last floor, with direct access to the roof so he just makes a few steps before being back in their apartment. It’s still weird to consider something his after all this time.

Daniel is already on the sofa, blanket lightly lifted for him to slide under. He smiles, he can’t help but smile. 

Daniel’s arm is wrapped around his shoulders and Max puts his head on his chest, feeling his slow heartbeat. 

And they just stay in this position for the rest of their evening.

Why bother looking for perfection ? He has it right under his eyes.

\--

Last chords. Out of breath. Max’s shaking. He cannot quite realize it yet but ... but that’s it. They made it. The synchronization so hard to reach. They’ve got it right in their hands.

“That ... that’s it ! We made it, guys, we just ...!” claims Daniel with a big smile, astonished.

“Shit.” mutters George quietly, impressed, even if he still hides it pretty well.

But not well enough for Max not to hear the crack in his voice, the emotion.

“It was quicker than expected. Quicker than anyone. Well done, Max.” 

Lewis’ praise almost makes him faint. This is the first time he ever hears him telling nice things about him. Every day before has been full of reproaches, reprimands and disapproval.

Next thing he knows is Charles approaching him. As always quite silent. Charles may be sometimes pretentious, stubborn, self confident to a point that impresses Max, but he never talks much. The most talkative he ever saw him was when he was with Pierre and that’s all. With such a personality he expected him to be way more open but that wasn’t the case. When he asked Daniel about him, the older one just shrugged and Max understood that it was a delicate subject. Something about the past.

He still hasn’t told them anything.

Charles hands him a small box. He’s confused until he opens it and discovers a new plectrum. 

“The one you got is pretty used, it’s gonna become harder and harder to play with it.” that’s all he says before backing up.

He can’t help but smile while hearing this. Each member. Welcoming him in their band. Step by step, little by little. Making their way to the top.

He shakes his head.

He’s mixing his memories. It’s not the same. It will never be the same. He needs to make sure of that. 

He tries his new plectrum. 

And is immediately delighted by the sound he gets from it.

“You enjoy it ?”

He turns and Daniel’s smile is sweet. He nods slightly. 

“That’s great. You’ll be ready for the next concert, you’re gonna be amazing.”

The older man has such trust in him. He doesn’t understand why or how. He never is able to trust himself that much, that never works. He can’t pretend to be the best if he doesn’t believe in himself though. How to put faith in others, so much faith ...

Is it what love looks like ? 

He wonders.

He wonders if that’s even a possibility. Because he doesn’t think he deserves a man like him. It’s always the same. What do we deserve exactly, what can we wish for ? 

“I don’t think so ...” he mutters softly and Daniel when he hears him shakes his head, fussy.

“Then I’ll believe in it for ya.” 

It’s not good, it sounds terribly wrong. There should be a limit to what he can have. What they should have had. What they never reached. Where he is now.

His heart sinks further every time he thinks about it.

\--

“Do you think we can do it ?” murmurs Kevin while looking at the sky.

The beer is hard to swallow. Not good enough, too bitter. He forces down another sip. Grimaces.

“Ay, if you don’t think we can do it then why you’re still here ?” Carlos answers a bit drily.

Max always loved Carlos’ accent. It sounds so smooth. But the snappy side doesn’t suit him very much.

“Yeah we can do it, sweetheart.” says Nico, totally ignoring Carlos’ words. “After all we already succeeded in being together as a band, isn’t it a feat?”

Kevin laughs a bit, his eyes shining in the night, the moon’s glow reflected in it.

“True, true. I always ... well, am impressed. We’re so different, it’s like we have nothing to do with each other but here we go.”

“The music ... as our bound ...” he thinks absentmindedly out loud.

He doesn’t talk much. He is the youngest of the band, is waiting to obtain 18 and finally be free from his father. Their reunions are purely secret but they all agreed to it, saying he was essential to their group. The prodigy as they call him.

Truth is that he doesn’t like this nickname.

But they already opened their YouTube Channel. Everywhere, he’s identified as the “Lion”. Not Max Emilian Verstappen, not Max, but the Lion.

# _ Unleashthelion _

A tag often posted on their Instagram account but up to now nobody understood what it was about.

Once again, his band supported him pretty much, each of them taking a nickname for different reasons. Nico alias Hulk, Carlos alias Smooth Operator and Kevin alias Honey.

If ever his dad learn about it ... he doesn’t know quite the risks but he’s sure he would be able to sue his teammate for stupid reasons, under the pretext that he still hasn’t reach the legal age. So they need to quiet a bit.

“Max? Shouldn’t you head back soon ?” asks Nico, worried, and it provokes a warm feeling in his chest.

They do care about him. That’s amazing. He’s loved.

He looks at his watch. That’s true. Never be late. Another rule he added on his list. He didn’t quite like his punishments.

“True ...” he stands up, smiling hesitantly “I’ll see you Saturday for sure.”

“Bye Max.” says Kevin, cuddling a bit further against Nico.

“Have a good night, cabrón.” smiles Carlos, far from his mood earlier.

Nico kisses his forehead tenderly and then Max leaves, hurrying a bit. He knows the way by heart and could do it with his eyes closed. But it’s still ... he’s better here.

He’s better with them. He feels good, he feels fine, he feels  _ safe _ . Tons of emotions he never feels when he’s in what’s supposed to be his house, his  _ home _ .

Why is his home always so cold ?

\--

Nico laying on the ground, unconscious. Kevin by his side, seeming totally panicked, and Carlos eyes wide, looking at them, at him.

“If you ever, ever dare approach my son with your crazy ideas ....”

“What will you do ?” Carlos defies him but as Jos approaches he can’t help but takes a step back.

Not everyone could have swept Nico like this. 

“I can sue you, all of you. Easily. I can destroy your lives in a blink of an eye so don’t you dare approach him one more time. Don’t you dare.” that’s what his father spits out to those men, to his band.

He’s terrified. He can’t say anything but he should have known. It never ends well, he’s cursed. He’s so fucking cursed and anyone who come closer pays the consequences of his own actions. He should stop trying by now. He should forget about it.

He should stay out of everything and stop living as he wants to. 

Because at the end of the day, his home is not where he wants it to be.

“Max …” whispers Nico, barely regaining consciousness.

Tears in his eyes, heavy chest.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you don’t need me anymore, just let me go, I don’t want ... I don’t want any hurt to be done to you, I ...”

Jos laughs at how pathetic he is and closes his icy and firm grip on his wrist to drag him away.

He has been so careless. He didn’t even see he was being followed. Everything is his fault. The stride are quick and his legs hurt but he can’t say anything. He can’t.

“I knew we should have changed country since too long. I’m ending my contract here so we can go as soon as possible and ...”

His father grabs his phone, the only way he can ever communicate with the outside, and throws it on the ground with strength. 

The phone breaks in two with the shock. 

He contemplates the last pieces of an amazing year dissolving as if it never existed and sobs in his throat are harder and harder to keep. 

“You” Jos grabs him by his collar, finally letting go of his wrist and from here he can already see the red mark on it “are never ever going to play music again. Understood ? Never, ever, again.”

He can’t help but nod helplessly. 

It seems like he was making a dream, a long long dream, a beautiful one.

And suddenly, it’s time to wake up.

\--

A scream passes his throat. Because here, his father is not here, and Max is free to scream, to sob, to cry as much as he wants. 

He feels broken. 

Carlos, Nico, Kevin. His band. He never heard of them again. He came all the way here as he could to see them again but they weren’t here anymore. All gone since too long.

Four years later and he’s not even really free. He just ran, ran always further. 

“Max ? What is happening ? What’s wrong ?”

Panicked tone. Worried too. He tries to breath, he tries to talk but it’s hard, he can’t quite explain.

Daniel’s arms are wrapped around him and that’s where he realizes he is shaking. His whole body. The emotion. 

“I lost them, Dan, I lost them. It’s all my fault, I lost them.”

No one in his new band asked him if he ever had any experience of the stage. And except Daniel’s first question, no one asked him about how he learnt to play music. It’s like they are waiting for him to talk, it’s like they all have stories to tell and that his in particular is not worse than theirs. They all carry something and he never felt that close from people before and that scares him. 

“No it’s not your fault. Why would it be ?”

“I was careless. We have been discovered. And Nico ... I was terrified but I wanted to stay with them and I couldn’t and ...”

Daniel kisses his eyelashes, tasting his tears and this gesture freezes him. It’s so sweet. It’s so intimate. He never felt like this before. His surprise is enough to get him out of his panicked state.

“Daniel ...”

“What, lovely ?”

“How can you ... I mean why are you ... so kind with me ? Why did you give me that chance ? How are you putting that much faith in me ?” he asks and he could easily let out a hundredth more questions.

“I want to believe in you, sweetheart. But it’s not only me, the guys fully trust you too. They don’t show it but it’s obvious, you’re already part of the band.”

“No!” he claims, frustrated. “I’m not asking about the band, I’m asking about you. You and only you.”

“I...”

Silence and the moment Max thinks he’s not going to have an answer, Daniel leans forward and his lips land on his. His mind goes blank. Only the taste, the heat, a mouth against his and a tongue. Hands on his hip and behind his neck. He melts in the kiss. He doesn’t want it to end. His heart beats loudly to his ears. First time ever ... he feels that. But he feels that way, so special, since they met. Daniel has a talent for making him feel special, loved. Home.

“That means I love you Max, and that’s non-negotiable.”

“Oh.”

“Did I make you speechless ?” Daniel asks, brushing his cheek with his thumb, letting out a small laugh. Roller coaster in his stomach.

“I think I’ve never been so loved.” he whispers but there’s only the two of them in the room, he doesn’t need to speak up.

“And how do you feel ... about it I mean ?”

The question is soft. He needs to find certainties. He’s so unsure of himself but if he had to talk about it then ...

“I don’t know ...” Daniel’s face darkens but he isn’t done talking “but I think it’s love. I’ve never felt anything like this before and you’re the only one I can think of and ...”

He breathes.

“And you gave me a house, a home. You’re my home, I want you to be my home. You brighten my days and you accept me without even asking me about my past. Whenever I’m feeling bad, you know it and you always know what to do even though we haven’t known each other for too long. And you’re all I could ever have wanted. So ...” he lowers his gaze “Yes, I think I love you.”

Daniel makes a strangled noise and takes him in his arm once again. Breathing his scent, he feels comforted, he feels safe and he knows ... he knows he won’t back up this time. He’s no longer a kid.

“Yes, Maxy, yes. I’m ready for you to talk whenever you want to.”

He closes his eyes, he avoided this for so long. So long. He’s tired of running away. 

“Okay. Yeah. Let’s fucking do this. I’m gonna ... I’m gonna talk to the whole band.”

He stands but Daniel grabs his arms, taking him back on the bed.

“Wow, calm down Maxy, calm down. It’s night, we can do this tomorrow, no worries. You’ll wake them up.” 

“Oh ... sorry.”

“It’s nothing, sweetheart. Just sleep, okay ?”

Daniel pulls him and he finds himself trapped in his arms, glued to the older one’s chest. He giggles a bit but then Daniel shoved his face in his shoulder and he feels himself blushing. Goddammit. Would he even be able to sleep ?

\--

“Lion ?” asks George, raising an eyebrow.

“Lion.” Max nods.

“Lion ?!” repeats Daniel, surprised, shocked?

“You ... know my nickname ?”

“You haven’t heard of it ?” says Lewis and it seems so obvious he feels dumb.

“What ?”

Charles uses his phone and then hands it to him. It’s an hashtag instagram. In fact, it’s his hashtag.

# _ UNLEASHTHELION _

Dozens and dozens of posts wear this hashtag. Cities of the world. Looking for him. Everywhere.

Nico, Kevin and Carlos never abandoned him. They posted a message for him. A message that he would be able to see no matter where he was. 

“Oh.”

“So you were part of the m!nus.135 ?” 

M!nus.135 

His former band. 

He nods once again and his actual band gasps. All of them. Even the less expressive.

“It wasn’t that famous.”

“Gosh, Max, how can you not know ? Maybe it wasn’t too much in the whole country but in the south ...” George states, blinking furiously.

“They showed the way and if they haven’t split weirdly ... or retired ... in clear they have been such an inspiration.” Lewis stares blankly at the wall after saying this.

Max can’t say anything about that. He just can’t. What. What? But they didn’t ... they haven’t even made concerts or at least big ones. He never knew about what they did after he left. Maybe that’s what they are talking about. George whines softly.

“What ?” Daniel asks, amused.

“I just remembered that one of the members of my former group ... has such a crush on Smooth Operator. It was embarrassing. For us ... and even for him !” George ends up laughing, almost falling from his chair.

“But how did you miss it ?” intervenes Charles, the question everyone has on their lips thrown out loud.

How did he miss it ? He has to think about it. Then the answer comes straight because, well, it’s awkward.

“I don’t have a phone.”

“You- what?” George coughs, his burst of laughter too violently interrupted.

“Maxy. It’s the 21th century. You’re a young man, healthy, you literally are the generation X. How can’t you have a phone ?” 

Daniel’s interrogation makes him wince a bit. The last time he had one it ended up crushed on the floor by his very dear father. He never dared buy one after that.

“The last I had ended badly.”

All of his band’s members roll their eyes and, later, he’s surprised to find one of the latest released phones on the table of their apartment.

Kind gesture.

_ Because how could you live without a phone?!  _ has added George on a small post-it on the top of the box.

\--

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Daniel says before kissing his cheek. “Are you ready for today ?”

“Ready ? ...no.” 

Max lets out a nervous laugh. He’s a mix of so many emotions. Excitement and at the same time stress. He just wants to go back on a stage and at the same time he wants to turn and run.

“Oh yes you are. You just don’t believe it yet.” 

“Dan can’t you just ... shut up?”

But the older one doesn’t mind and mocks him a bit. 

“Come on, let’s get you there. We’ll do a rehearsal before, everything’s gonna be okay.”

“That’s what you always say.”

“And I’m always right.”

Max can’t really disagree with that. Well, for now on, Daniel was always right. It can change again. 

His boyfriend hand’s in his. Another thing he never thought he could have. As if a coming out was a possibility. 

“Do you have anything to wear for tonight ?” 

The question comes while he is already taking his guitar with him. He freezes. They don’t have time. 

“Why are you asking ? Of course not ! And we need to hurry.”

But Daniel doesn’t answer and comes back and forth from their room, throwing at him a stack of clothes. He hardly catches it and spots one of his favorite sweatshirts in it. He peers into it and immediately smells the older one’s scent.

“I thought we were running late ?” Daniel teases him when he sees him in that position. 

“Yeah, yeah.” he mumbles and his boyfriend smiles lightly.

“Let’s show them how amazing you are.”

\--

The crowd’s applause doesn’t seem to have an end. Max flushes seriously. All his band, even the reluctant ones, honors him and congrats him as they’re back in their lodge.

A success. 

He made it. They made it. Oh god. He feels exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. 

Daniel draws him towards him and kisses him tenderly. He laughs a bit in the kiss, in the end so relief of still being alive. Of being able to feel this. 

“I was so right ‘bout ya.” whispers his boyfriend in his ear.

“I don’t know how you could believe in me, I was such a mess …”

“It’s the power of love.” answers his aussie bluntly.

He shakes his head. Daniel is messing with him a bit too much and he hates the fact it makes him feel more and more home. More and more in love.

“Max !”

The voice. That voice.

He stands frozen a second. Then he turns. Nico is at the door. A bit older but they all are. He details his blonde hair, his blue eyes, his bony fingers. No injuries. 

“That’s really you ...”

“Nico …”

He hesitates a moment but then Nico opens his arms and he jumps in it. 

“Hello, kleintje.”

“I never thought I’d see you again.” he murmurs.

“Me too. It was a surprise to see you on stage.”

“You …” Max steps back “You’re not angry ?”

“Angry ? Why would I be ? We wanted you to be okay, to be happy, Max. With or without us.”

He fights against tears. Because he doesn’t want to cry now. But it makes him so emotional. They found him. He found them. It’s like an old story coming to an end.

He left them. 

He ran.

Because he was so scared something would happen to them if he was staying and then he stayed trapped, prisoner, during so much time before finally running again.

“So he was the guy you were looking for, Nico.”

He didn’t hear Daniel approaching. He forgot his band. He feels embarrassed.

“What ? Jealous, Dan ?”

Nico grabs him by his waist and he lets out a surprised moan.

“You know, Maxy, there is still a place waiting for you in M!nus.135.” 

Then Daniel grabs his wrist.

“No thanks. Max is part of our band.”

“You sure about that ?”

Max blinks severely. He can’t understand how they are fighting over him. That sounds … crazy. Unbelievable. He thinks about it himself. They always wanted to go on top of the world. Them four.

Carlos, Nico, Kevin and him.

But …

But that doesn’t seem right. 

An elbow in Nico’s stomach and he frees himself from Daniel’s hold. He frowns.

“You - both of you - don’t have the right to choose for me. In the end I’m the one making my own choices, thanks.”

He makes a few steps back. Charles stands in front of him, keeping him behind, protective. They don’t talk more but it just seems that … that they somehow appreciate each other.

“Do you want to stay ?” asks the monegasque with a low voice and he knows he’s letting him choose what he wants to do.

Of course, there’s a difference between what he wanted before and what he wants now and all the things he did … 

The fact they needed him and accorded him a chance when they didn’t need to. The strange atmosphere, somehow comfty. The mind states, the encouragement in their own way. The kiss Daniel carefully places on his lips, the little smile Charles gives him, the nod from Lewis and the silent approbation from George. 

Things he would not change, things he started to desire, to crave.

Normality.

Daily life.

He nods slightly as an answer and Charles’ glance brightens significantly. Satisfied, happy, relieved.

“Gentlemen, I think you’ve got your answer.” the monegasque adds, expressionless.

“A shame, really. But, hey, that’s life.”

Nico approaches, all smile, and slips a piece of paper in his pocket before processing to kiss his forehead.

“See ya on stage, Maxy, don’t forget to call.”

The German guy then leaves without any more words or look. 

Max sighs. His heart shakened. It has been a lot. Too much at once. Daniel grabs him again and hugs him tightly.

“Gosh you’re staying. Thanks god.”

“Leaving was never an option, you know that ? Who would you have teased if I left ?”

“That’s not ...”

“Were you jealous? I’ve never seen you so … authoritarian.”

“How he put his hands on you … I hated that, Max. I was so scared he would have taken you away. I couldn’t bear the idea.”

Daniel closes his eyes. It seems rather painful. Max doesn’t quite understand, wonders what he’s missing. But he can always try. Always and always and always.

“But I’m still here, okay ? I stayed with the band, I stayed with  _ you _ . I’m your boyfriend and I’m not leaving Daniel.”

“Mine.” mumbles his companion in his neck.

“Yours.” he answers him without hesitating once.

\--

“ _Max_ _ ! It’s so good to hear you ! I can’t say how much I’m relieved right now. _ ” 

Carlos’ voice hasn’t changed that much. His face though has changed a bit. Matured he supposes. Older. Happier. Free.

“Hi, Carlos. How are you ?”

Max tries to stay calm, neutral, but it’s so hard. How long has it been since the last time he saw him.

“ _Ay_ __,_ come on ! Don’t act all tough ! Gimme back my baby Maxy !” _

“Don’t call me like that ! I hate it !”

“ _ Then say you missed me, say it.  _ ”

That’s not so hard to admit. He indeed missed them. Even if he’s not coming back in the band.

“Yeah I missed you. You guys I missed you.”

“ _But_ _ you’re not coming back. _ ” the Spaniard raises an eyebrow and that makes him giggle a bit.

“Sorry ...”

“ _ Ay, young people nowadays … ready to give up on everything for love. _ ”

“Love ?!”

He blushes significantly.

“ _Sí_ _. Nico told us about Daniel you know. I couldn’t believe it but … in the end it’s not that surprising. _ ”

“I … umh … that’s not the only reason why I stayed with them.”

“ _Well_ _ anyway. I’m supposed to keep you on FaceTime enough time for Kevin to be back home. He wants so much to see you ! He almost killed Nico when he refused to take him with him. I’m almost sure they’re still on sex break. _ ” babbles the older once with an exhausted smile.

Max clicks a bit. To what he just heard. He has some questions – apart from Nico and Kevin’s sexual life of course.

“Why did only Nico come?”

“ _Well_ _ first he wasn't sure if that was you or not and he didn’t want to overwhelm you. He knows you hate that. _ ”

So considerate. As if he’s still a part of them. He feels back years ago. He feels emotional. That’s a bit too much to consider. Gosh he loves them. 

“ _We_ _ still have a missing member you know. Kevin said he has leads but it’s once again a young musician. _ ”

“You’re only finding young ones.” he says, amused.

“ _We_ _ take what we can have ! I’ll tell you later. I’m sure we’ll meet each other sooner than expected. I can’t wait to see you on stage once again ! _ ”

“Don’t say that, you make me nervous.”

He walks a bit around, starting to get cold by staying still. He’s on the rooftop, he didn’t want to disturb Daniel that was working on their next song. 

He wanted to help him so badly. He pouted when he refused. Come one he’s one of them, he can start to compose for them too !! 

Frustrated a bit, he decided to do something that would immediately lighten his mood; call the number Nico gave him. 

Great idea.

“ _ Maybe before a concert. But once you’re in, you’re grasped by your own work. You don’t care anymore about other aspects of life. I can only be inspired by your passion. _ ” resumes Carlos, gently.

“Nonsense. You’re the same. And-”

There are some noises in the background of Carlos’ screen. The phone is left on a table and for a time Max can only see a ceiling while he hears echoes of a conversation. Then the phone is moved.

Kevin stayed pretty much the same if not for the beard that frames his face.

“Kevin !”

“ _ Hi, Max you’re all grown up ! _ ”

“And you have a beard !”

They laugh a bit and for a moment it’s only about what they missed and Nico and Carlos can’t help but add themselves to the conversation. 

An era that ended up. 

Nostalgia hits him hard but he holds ground. He’s decided not to cry. Because he wants to show them he’s happy, he’s fine.

Well, he ran from his house, he was on the street. But somehow Daniel found him. Somehow, Daniel, Charles, George and Lewis found him.

So that’s okay.

“It was a pleasure to talk with you.”

“ _Don’t_ _ be so formal now, Baby-Max ! _ ” says Kevin with a big smile on his lips.

“ _Yeah_ _ , yeah, we’ll see each other soon, do not worry about it. _ ” adds Carlos, confident.

“ _ Goodbye, kleintje, sleep well. _ ”

Nico blows him a kiss and then the call ends. 

Max sighs slightly. Heavy-hearted. Obviously. He knew who he could meet coming here. He just never thought it would be possible, he always believed they were long gone.

A sob passes his lips and he feels weak. He just goes back home, tears rolling down his cheeks as he passes the door and goes straight to the room.

He lay down on the bed, searching for a way which could calm that feeling weighing so heavy on his chest.

Daniel doesn’t take too long before coming, surprised to see him in that state.

“Love ? What is going on ?”

Worry. The older one passes his arms around him, pulling him in a tight hug.

“I thought you were talking with your former band?”

“I … I am very happy but I can’t help but think about what we lost and … I still believe it’s my fault and ...”

“Do you regret staying with us, with me ?”

He thinks Daniel is joking with that question but his partner is deadly serious. 

“You still don’t get the I chose you part didn’t you.”

“I just don’t want to be the one holding you back.”

“Well, excuse me sir, I know it’s in your habits to be the center of the world, but I didn’t say I stayed for you. I stayed for the band. If it wasn’t where I wanted to be, I wouldn’t be here anymore.”

“Oh. Well … that’s awkward but … I’m quite glad you started to like us. We’ll be the main rivals of your former group after all.”

Daniel leaves a trail of kisses on his neck. He feels calmer than before. And he knows it’s all thanks to the Australian. Always.

“So does it mean you finally chose our band’s name ?”

Because it's ridiculous to continue concerts if their fans don’t know what to call them. George suggested changing their name when Max entered the band and they hadn’t found one.

Until now.

Daniel’s smile is brighter than ever when he straightens his head up.

“159.Plus”

\--

“Sometimes I’m scared he’ll come back. You know. To take me away.” 

A confidence made.

“If he ever comes to take you, I’ll fucking kill him with my hands. What he did to you … I’ll never forgive him, Max. And I’ll protect you. At any cost.”

“You … they already tried. I don’t want the same to happen to you, I couldn’t bear the idea of losing you.” he whispers, shaking his head.

“We’re not the same. I swear to you, he’ll have to climb over my dead body to take you back. Every one of us. We’ll protect you and he can’t do anything to you. You’re far past 18 now, it’s been more than 4 years.”

Max blinks when he hears this.

“How do you know my age ? I never told anyone.”

An embarrassed silence follows this question. He shied away from the hand Daniel extends to him and digs in his interior pocket. But there is nothing in it.

“You took my ID ? You stole my ID ?”

Aggressive tone.

“No ! No, of course not ! You just ...” Daniel opens a drawer “You left it on the ground when we first met. I just didn’t have the occasion to give it back.”

“When we first met.” Max mimes quotation marks.

“Oh. Well … sorry about that. I really wanted to meet you and Charles was too pissed to use a more pacific way.”

Daniel smiles, as an apology. He would like to know how to resist honestly. His ID card is back in his interior pocket.

“I know you wanted to keep me with you, but that's not really a gentleman's method.” he ironises.

“You’re not mad at me ?” asks the older one, with a pout.

“I wish I could, Daniel, I wish I could.” Max sighs before turning.

He feels so weak. It’s love somehow. He knows he matured too. Because a few months ago he wouldn’t have trusted someone that much. 

“You can’t resist me.”

This statement annoys him a lot.

“Don’t push your luck too far. You’ll be surprised by how mean I can be.”

“Well, I guess if it’s in bed then-”

He nudges his boyfriend in his ribs, glaring at him, daring him to say one more word. 

“How did the topic change that much ? I wonder ...”

“It’s because I’m good at distracting you, love. That’s all.”

He raises an eyebrow. Evident. It’s a way to comfort him. It’s a way of taking care of him and he knows it. He knows it a bit too well. 

“Then make yourself useful for once and grab your guitar. We still have to work.”

“You’re not fun, sweetheart.”

“Keep this nickname for Charles, I hate it.”

“You hate it because you’re jealous.”

“Nonsense.”

“Admit it ! Admit it, Maxy !”

“Take your guitar. We’re moving.”

Max carefully grabs his bags and approaches the entrance of their apartment. But Daniel wraps an arm around in waist, leaning in to whisper to his ear :

“And how do you want me to call you, Max Emilian Verstappen ?”

He gulps.

“I said it was time to practice.” his voice is hoarse.

“We’re not running late for once.”

“You’re lazy, Dan. Wait, does this imply we should only worry when we’re late ?”

His boyfriend drops a trail of kisses on his neck. He whimpers.

“Daniel …”

“Let me make it up to you, for this whole story?”

“I’m not upset.”

“But still …”

It’s not an excuse. Maybe words aren’t enough after all. To comfort one, to totally erase insecurities. He should understand that but up till now, Daniel did an excellent job making him forget about it.

“Okay. Once. And we’re never doing that again.” Max gives in and he can feel his partner’s smile on his skin.

“Never say never.”

\--

“Oh my god.” George murmurs when they see who is on stage.

His former band. It was quick. Carlos told him they’ve found a new member but strangely didn’t say anything else. That hid something. That hides something. 

Max can’t describe exactly how he feels. He’s incredibly happy for them, even if he’s not by their side. He brushes away any sadness.

On the stage, a young man stands next to Carlos. Brown light curls, clear eyes, a lot of beauty spots, rings and bracelets on. They sing together and the harmony is quite … sweet to hear. Good.

Is it because of the weird alchemy between the Spaniard and the newbie ? mmmmh, he would say maybe.

“Oh my god, I can’t- … this is hilarious, just …” George shed tears of laughter “Lando standing next to Smooth Operator oh gosh … Amazing, unbelievable !”

“Lando ?” Max asks because he still doesn’t really know about his past.

“A member of my former band. We were three and I thought I was the only one continuing to play music but …” the youngest british freezes a bit, realizing something “Wait, if Lando’s here than Alex must be …”

George searches through the crowd and he probably sees this “Alex” since he immediately advances to a man standing a bit further.

“He’s sooooo in love.” says Charles, a bit mockingly.

“You should see you when you’re with Pierre.”

“I don’t- … urgh.” 

“ **Let me hold you**

**For the last time**

**It’s the last chance to feel again** ”

He closes his eyes for a second and remembers the feeling … one of their first songs. He’s still nostalgic. That’s so hard to simply let go.

A hand on his.

Two kind brown eyes.

“Hey. You’re with me now, with us. No need to worry about anything, love.”

Daniel smiles at him and he feels his anxiety disappear in a blink of an eye. If the past brings back good memories, the bad ones are never far.

“You’re probably right.”

“I’m almost certain we already talked about it and the fact that I’m always right and-”

“Why can’t you just be humble for once ?” he rolls his eyes.

“It would not be fun that way.”

“You’re annoying.”

“But you love me.”

“Sadly.”

Daniel looks shocked and lets out an offended laugh.

“I would love to close that shitty mouth of yours.”

“And we don’t want to hear any more detail, thanks.” says Lewis, passing them by.

While they were talking, they didn’t pay attention to the fact that the other band had just finished their part. It’s their turn.

His former band goes off the stage and Carlos kisses his cheek. A good luck sign. He nods at him, thankful.

“Did you and Carlos were in a relationship ?” Daniel raises an eyebrow, whispering.

Max smiles when he hears that question.

“Why do you ask ?”

“I wonder if I should be jealous or not.”

He prefers not to answer and receive a frustrated glance from his boyfriend. 

But then the music starts and it’s just not the time anymore.

\--

“ **It’s one of those days, my world is crashing everything looks on fire**

**It’s one of those nights, I’m dreaming but I’m walking on a wire** ”

Last chords. Screams and applauses. Max wants to get used to that. He wants to keep it as a memory, to never forget it. Even after they’ll be long gone.

The room (is it still a room if it’s set outside?), the area emptied a bit but most of people stayed until the end of their display.

They step down. 

“Why don’t we celebrate our new name by the way ?” Daniel suggests and no one gives him a clear refusal so he takes it as a yes.

“I’ll be drivin, drivin until the nearest bar then. All in the car !” his enthusiasm is almost exhausting as Max finally lands down, his adrenaline lowering considerably.

Charles raises an eyebrow and texts a quick message. They still have their guitar on their back and for once he agrees to let his in the local. But, Charles, strangely, keeps it on his back.

Nobody asks him anything so he doesn’t say much either.

Not a word from Daniel. He wonders if he’s upset or not. He still is the one to be on the front passenger seat. 

None of their friends dare to steal his seat. He feels as proud as embarrassed.

They know about them, somehow. He’s sure of it. He isn’t the kind to talk much about his private life, his feelings, but they maybe … 

It seems like they are regular in the bar they get in. They are directly led to a private room. They’re VIP ? It’s not exactly a private room because, in fact, some people are already in it and he frowns when he recognizes his former band.

Most of his teammates don’t seem to care about it but Daniel is in a bad mood and he finally sees what it missed. So that really upset him, uh.

“So you are here.” simply states Lewis, no more interested than that.

“Why don’t we get to know each other ? It may be fun !” Carlos says, with a cheerful smile on his lips.

“It may be not.” answers Daniel, abrupt, when he usually enjoys the perspective.

It’s not a lie, Daniel is literally one of the most sociable people he ever met.

“And our new member-” starts Carlos, still trying.

“Lando. I know him.” that's what George says, biting his lip.

An awkward silence falls on them. Max clears his throat. His glance wandering around the room. 

“Sorry to be late, mon amour !”

Pierre enters the room, without even caring about anything that is happening, and almost jumps in Charles’ arms. A light smile on the monegasque’s features. Finally. He always seems more living with him.

“I want you to stay longer this time, Pierre. I want you to be by my side.”

“You know I would if I could, it’s not really about me.”

Pierre kisses Charles with a little sigh. Difficult situation. Charles takes his guitar and starts to play; here, far from all the music displayed in the main room. He’s the only thing they can hear and it doesn’t seem to be the kind of music to be played with a guitar but it doesn’t matter. It’s french, once again.

“ **Mais mon amour**

**Mon doux, mon tendre, mon merveilleux amour**

**De l’aube claire jusqu’à la fin du jour**

**Je t’aime encore, tu sais, je t’aime** ”

The mood then improves. It can only improve when Charles is singing a sweet romantic ballade to his loved one. Even Daniel wraps an arm around his waist.

“Oh, so you finally calmed down.”

“Not entirely.”

Max shakes his head and sighs.

“When will you understand you’re the only one who matters ?”

“I can’t. You’re so amazing, I just don’t feel like … I feel like you’re a mirage, like you could vanish at any moment.” 

He can’t see Daniel’s face and it bothers him a lot. He turns until he’s seated on his boyfriend's lap. Both his hands on his cheeks, he leans him to kiss him firmly. He doesn’t want to leave. Ever. He doesn’t want to get out of the older one’s arms.

“I’m not. I don’t know yet what to say … exactly to comfort you, but I swear I’m not gonna run away from you. I love you, Dan. I’ll take any moment to claim this, to claim I’m yours.”

Max places his head on Daniel’s chest, feeling his heartbeat right under him. Reminder that everything is alright. 

“And Carlos and I weren't really a thing. If ever, it ended a long time ago. Nothing to worry about, you see.”

He shows vaguely in a corner Carlos talking to Lando, in the weird bubble that’s theirs. 

“I know. I shouldn’t be like this but I’ve been looking for so long for someone. I can’t believe I finally found you, y’know Maxy. I love you so much.”

He can’t hurt Daniel. At any cost. He can’t hurt him. He must never ever hurt him. 

He knows he would not be able to live after having lost such a person, such a life. He would not be able to live after having lost his home.

\--

“The organizers want you to step on stage with M!nus, Max.” announces Lewis while handing him a paper. It makes him laugh how this scene looks much alike their first day, except he’s not in the arms of Daniel.

“And I suppose they didn’t ask what I think about it.”

Lewis shakes his head. Them two were the first to arrive as Max agreed to finish their preparations while the rest of the band was leading Pierre to the airport.

“We’re at … what ? Some minutes, maybe an hour until the concert begins. How do they expect us to prepare ?”

“I don’t know … I’m sorry Max, I can’t express much of my disagreement. It concerns the whole group.”

Max didn’t expect excuses from him. A bit surprised.

“I know it’s not your fault. I just don’t want to betray Daniel.”

“Then mark your difference. Show them who you are now, who you belong to.”

He’s certain Lewis talks about bands, he can’t help but think about people. Who he belongs to. Who claimed him theirs. He smiles a bit.

“Well then, I’m gonna talk with M!nus, I’m sure I can convince them into something. Later, Lewis !”

“Take care of yourself.”

It’s so stupid. Gosh it sounds stupid in his head but it doesn’t mean he’s not going to do it. He wants to see what kind of face Daniel will make when it will happen.

He holds his score a bit tighter. 

Negotiations ahead.

-

“You’re crazy you know that.” says Nico teasingly while kissing his forehead.

It seems to be a habit for them to kiss him lightly like this. A habit that came back, they used to do that too. Five years ago. 

But now it seems pretty much fun to just upset Daniel while taking care of him.

How can he even be mad at them when they once again agreed to follow him in his project ?

The face of his boyfriend darkened a lot when he saw Max hanging around his former band. He supposes he’s not going to be very happy when he’ll start singing by their side but … one last time.

For a moment he remembers what it felt like. To be “Lion”, not Max Emilian Verstappen, not Max. What it felt like to be sheltered from the whole world. To be 17 years old. To have a family of his own, one he created.

Then.

He’s passed all of this. No longer hiding behind nicknames. He can be “Lion”, but he can be Max and Max Emilian Verstappen. He can be brave for once. 

He belongs to 159.Plus.

He belongs to Daniel Ricciardo.

First chords played and he’s not holding any guitar. People are screaming their name, the crowd’s becoming crazy when they spot him on the stage and when they hear his name. Nickname. Whatever.

Daniel’s not smiling. At all. Focused. Maybe a bit intrigued. Max can’t quite take his eyes off him. Maybe because this song is for him.

“ **I’m going back to 505**

**If it’s a seven hour flight or a 45 minutes drive**

**In my imagination you’re waiting, lying on your side**

**With your hands between your thighs** ”

His partner should have realized by now. He knows it. They both know it. Something that lighted up in Daniel’s glance.

“ **Stop and wait a sec**

**Oh, when you look at me like that, my darling**

**What did you expect?**

**I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck**

**Or I did last time I checked** ”

A love song he directly sings through their public. That’s all he found but is it enough ? He hopes it is enough. 

But with his eyes riveted in Daniel’s, he knows it’s the right thing to do.

“ **Not shy of a spark**

**A knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark**

**Frightened by the bite though it's no harsher than the bark**

**Middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start** ”

A draft he never completed. A song never totally achieved. Something about a love he didn’t really know. A love he took years to find. 

A song that was mocking him.

Because he could never find the right words. 

But he found them. Daniel showed him the way and this song comes alive with his voice. 

“ **I'm going back to 505**

**If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive**

**In my imagination you're waiting, lying on your side**

**With your hands between your thighs** ”

505, the number of the apartment in which Daniel welcomed him in. Their home. Yeah that’s it. It’s their home.

A calm rhythm that then accelerates. 

He sings this more sensually, more hoarsely than he usually does. Full of emotions. Entirely free.

“ **But I crumble completely when you cry**

**It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye**

**I'm always just about to go and spoil a surprise**

**Take my hands off of your eyes too soon** ”

A short smile. A proper goodbye to an era that will never come back.

“ **I'm going back to 505**

**If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive**

**In my imagination you're waiting, lying on your side**

**With your hands between your thighs and a smile** ”

Out of breath. He pushed the last words till the end. 

And under the applause of the crowd, he’s definitely burying his past with the promise of never ever looking back again. And alongside the heat, the sweat, the spotlights, he feels like he’s able to breath totally.

Max comes alive, for the first time in years. Maybe for the first time since he’s born.

-

The news comes by an email he receives a morning.

After months of silence, his sister that finally contacts him. 

There’s no words, nothing in it. Just documents, files. Official. 

To get out of this « family ». Forever.

\--

Daniel bites his neck while thrusting once again in him. Max moans, terribly pleased by the whole turn of events.

_ “I can’t believe you did this Max, you really do have a shitty mouth.” _

_ “And here I thought you knew a way to make me shut up.” _

_ At this moment, Daniel only stared at him, hungry for more, licking his lips. _

He wasn’t wrong when he said his boyfriend was beautiful. His curls flattened by the sweat, his vigorous arms, his tattoos all over he can’t help but touch.

“Mine.” claims Daniel, pupils darkened by desire.

“Y-Yours.” he hiccups, he can’t really talk between his groaning. He’s looking for breath.

When he asks to be fucked senseless …

He whines softly because it is too much and then the older one kisses him one more time and he can’t help but feel … so satisfied. Overwhelmed but satisfied.

It’s not so unpleasant to let go. Not when he’s in Daniel’s arms. When he’s under his care. 

There’s a limit somehow. He reaches his peak quickly and then he sort of falls out. Exhausted. He lets his boyfriend take care of him and regains really consciousness when Daniel comes back to his side.

“You’re okay, love ?”

Max chuckles softly.

“I think. It was … a lot. I want to talk about it as … you know, I should. It’s new. All those feelings. I really do love you, Daniel. That’s amazing.”

“I think I realized that when you sang that song. You were beautiful on stage, Maxy.”

“I don’t … I mean, I’m not …” 

He shakes his head and this time it’s the older one who laughs a bit before kissing his forehead.

“I prefer when I’m the one doing this.” Daniel then adds.

“You know they do this only because that upsets you.”

“I should try to keep my hands off you. Everyone already knows what we are, even if we never talked about it.”

“Well, it’s not like we were discreet.”

“True.” His boyfriend lets out another laugh and kisses him even more even though he feels dizzy.

The whole evening exhausted him. First the concert, then this. Max feels like he could sleep two days straight. He yanks slowly.

“Tired ?”

“Completely.”

He snuggles further into Daniel’s embrace.

“Then sleep my lion. This is the end of the season, we’re expected to move soon. D’you like a road trip across the country?” 

The question makes him smile because he would not ask anything more if he’s by his side, by their side. They are not the most evident band, maybe even a bit disorganized, dysfunctional, but he thinks it’s okay for now.

They still have time to adapt, to change, to understand each other.

For now, he wouldn’t change a single thing about them. Even with the critics, the cold glares, the displaced conversation, defaults … that make them perfect.

And he never aspired more to anything than this.

\--

“Say Max, that’s something that bothered me a bit but would you like to compose a song ? For the name I mean.” and strangely that’s George who suggests this.

The face Max’s making is probably showing how surprised he is since George raises his hands, awkwardly.

“I mean it’s fine if you don’t want to. But each member at least composed one song, so you could …”

“Yes.”

“Uh … sorry what ?” George blinks, confused.

“Yes, I want to compose a song for our band. Thank you so much ! I wanted since long but when I first asked Daniel refused and then I didn’t have much the … will to be turned down twice.”

“Oh.”

He’s still a bit upset about it. Not much but, he thought it was unfair. He’s perfectly capable of writing songs and finding chords. So why being left aside ?

“He may have thought it was too early. It’s the only solution. You have seen how much he believes in your talent. Maybe it was too early for the band and for you.”

“And you think he would agree now ?” his fingers ache from impatience. He wants his guitar right now and a pen to write down ideas.

“Oh boy, he doesn’t have the choice.”

Max looks at George, not understanding his words.

“I wondered what you could do if we just were leaving you free. I asked that question to Charles and Lewis. Their only answer was that we needed to know. So you’re officially supported by the whole band, minus Daniel. But who cares about Daniel.” George laughs softly while saying this.

Is it ironic or not…?

“Really ?” he raises an eyebrow.

“Because he is the love of your life and somehow, vaguely, our leader, doesn’t mean he can control everything you know. Revolution for once !”

George seems delighted. Max wonders for a moment if the reason isn’t elsewhere and if all of this isn’t purely a revenge for something that happened before.

Anyway, as long as he can have what he wants.  _ Sorry, babe _ , he thinks.

“ **You can have it all, but how much do you wanna a loose** …” he whispers, already hitting a rhythm with his fingers.

“What ?” asks George and that’s when he realizes he said it out loud.

“Nothing. I’ll get home then.”

“Yeah. We really do have some lazy ass in our group for them not showing.”

“I swear you’re right. Sadly.”

They exchange genuine looks.

And then laugh because it looks like they finally found a way to appreciate each other. Far from their beginning.

And the worst part is that Daniel is really, really, really excited about him writing a song.

To the point he wants to be the first one singing it.

And he ends up singing it first.

Gosh, Max is so weak in front of that man.

\--

Daniel finds him sitting in the living room, shaken, crying, in front of a laptop. A silent breakdown of something he kept inside too long. Tears rolling down his cheeks and he doesn’t even try to stop it.

“Max …?”

Charles, that he didn’t see but who was behind right behind Daniel, is immediately by his side. Worried again, but he never seems to find the right words to express himself. The monegasque became the quiet type one day and stuck to it. Max would like to know why someday.

“It’s okay, thanks Charles, it’s just the emotion.”

Charles nods but still wipes his tears off his face in a kind gesture. 

“What are you doing here ?”

“Daniel just said I could eat home since I was now alone.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, I just- I haven’t cook yet, I was so taken by-” he makes a vague signs toward the laptop (which is not his but Daniel’s) “I’m sorry, I’m on duty, I’ll-”

He stands precipitately and almost trips down. Charles catches him before he injures himself.

“Calm, Maxy.” says Daniel who suddenly seems to have remembered how to talk “We’ll just … order something.”

“M sorry, Dan.” he mumbles and his boyfriend smiles lightly to him.

“It’s okay, love. What happened for you to be in that state ?”

Charles backs up a little while Daniel advances until he’s close enough to take him in his arms. That doesn’t happen though and he’s quite frustrated by how close they are.

“I .. uh … settled something. With my father.”

“Did he contact you ?” asks the older one but he can feel anger in his tone.

“No, not really, I mean …”

He tries to find the right words and then he turns his head and realizes that Charles left the room. To give them more privacy he supposes.

“I got papers from my mom and my sister. To definitely get rid of him. He doesn’t have any more right on me.”

Daniel’s face brightens significantly. 

“So … so I’m no longer Max Verstappen. I mean, I still could be, but I could have any last name.”

He wonders if his explanation is clear and then he looks up and finds Daniel, hesitant, but amazed.

“You could be Max Ricciardo ? Any last name like …” 

This sentence is barely a whisper and if he wasn’t entirely focused on the words his boyfriend said, he could have missed them. The older one ends his sentence more daringly :

“Like Ricciardo ?”

A spark in the sweet brown eyes of Daniel and Max can’t help but smile, wanting to grasp more of this small glow that seems to be enough to lighten an entire fire inside of him.

“Like Ricciardo.”

**Author's Note:**

> Song list quoted :  
> La vie en rose - Edith Piaf  
> Hopeless - Clinton Kane  
> Hold My Girl - George Ezra  
> Jesus in LA - Alec Benjamin  
> Cringe - Matt Maeson  
> Broken Strings - James Morrison  
> Fire - The Score  
> La chanson des vieux amants - Jacques Brel  
> 505 - Arctic Monkeys  
> Hope in hell - Black Pistol Fire
> 
> It was a big work to do, honestly I started it at the end of my vacations and only managed to finish it today !! I hope it pleases you, it's a work that has the possibility of many sequels about the band members so maybe I'll write, depending on if it's worth it or nah ... x)  
> I don't really know what to say to end this note, so just ... thanks for reading this.


End file.
